“Oh, it was just a bad dream!”
Here I was at 3 a.m… the morning of my first golf lesson, having just woken up from what can only be described as a golf nightmare.
I had dreamt that when I showed up at the range for my first lesson, they gave me a bright orange vest to wear that said, “Student Golfer: Please stay back 50 yards.” It was much like when I used to snicker as I passed a car with the bumper sticker that says “My Child is a rookie driver, call 888-999-9999 if you see him driving erratically” and thought: poor kid; glad they didn’t have those when I started driving…
I headed up to the range where I met up with the man who would hopefully make me fairly proficient -- or at least remove the grave danger to myself or fellow golfers when I began swinging a club. PGA Professional John Hafera had come highly recommended, and would be challenged as he knew I was going to be reporting on my progress. Unlike the owner of a barbecue restaurant who feels worried when a vegetarian restaurant reviewer shows up to write a review of his place, John seemed ready and confident.
As we began to walk over to the tee, sans the orange vest, which was a relief,
I knew how those beginners who I had given tennis lessons to all those years had felt. Especially when they said, “Do we have to play next to ‘so and so,’ I know I will hit the balls on their court.” I used to say, “Don’t worry, if a ball goes on their court, no big deal,” all the while thinking, ‘if they hit the balls onto the court next to us no big deal, just please don’t hit it over the fence into traffic…’
Now, the stakes were a little higher than tennis; one bad swing and I would be known forever as the guy who embedded a golf ball in the back of someone else’s head. That can’t be a good way to start your journey into golf.
I scheduled my lesson during the week – right when the course opens – to avoid what happened last time, when my father-in-law tried to teach me. He actually had me say, out loud, before each swing, “THIS IS MY TENNIS SWING,” in an attempt to demonstrate to me that the two were somehow intertwined.
Now, I don’t know enough about golf to know if that’s true or not, but I do know enough about golfers to decipher the critical looks and comments I received when exclaiming “THIS IS MY TENNIS SWING” at ninety decibels before swinging at (and missing) my golf ball. Needless to say, it doesn’t go over so well.
John had me take a few warm-up swings with the 7-iron – the only club I had ever used – while he filmed my efforts for later review.
We then dumped my clubs out of the box they had arrived in so that he could enlighten me as to the necessity of each one.
Apparently, unlike in tennis, a golfer must be proficient in using all clubs.
Having no previous knowledge of golf, I let John patiently take me through the basics of gripping the club, learning basic terms, and understanding the elements that make a successful golfer.
I actually learned an incredible amount.
We then sat down at the computer and John, like many of the other pros today, is able to let you view your swing on video, show you the good, and what in the world you are doing. He can then compare you with other golfers through the use of a split-screen view.
Seeing you swing on video for the first time is an eye-opening experience. Not that I thought my swing was anything masterful, if it wasn’t for the club in my hand I would have thought I was reacting to getting stung by a large bee with my feet firmly encased in bricks of cement.
The other thing that I find interesting is that the other golfer they always pull up on the split screen is Tiger Woods, so you can see how your swing compares to his. “What differences do you see?” I wondered what would happen if I said to John, “You know, I see how Tiger’s and my swing differ dramatically but, you know, I think mine is just a lot more interesting.” Then, I wondered whose swing they pulled up on Tiger’s split screen for him to view?
The hour flew by and I left with a video tape of my swing in hand, a few things to work on before my next lesson, and the one direct order, “Get a bag for your clubs, you can’t carry them around in a box.” For the first time, I felt a real excitement for golf. Off to the bookstore to proudly pick up Golf for Dummies, and then out to the range to practice and prepare for lesson number 2.
